:: IEP Meetings are for everyone, traditional and homeschool alike. Let me help you understand how to navigate them better.
Dear Friends,
This letter applies to you whether you are a parent or not, and if you are a parent, whether your kid is neurodivergent or not. Too many of us have struggled through school meetings, ending up emotionally wrung out and feeling helpless.
I really dislike feeling helpless.
I’m talking in particular about meetings for Individualized Education Programs (IEPs). Sometimes the “P” = Plan in common parlance.
The deal is this: Meetings at school about how your kid is not performing up to expectations is hard, no matter what.
As one reader of my Psychology Today column posted on social media, When school administrators and teachers are sitting around a table (6-8 of them), talking about your kid’s failures and struggles, it can feel like they don’t see your kid’s strengths or how wonderful your kid is. It can feel like an attack on your parenting, your family, your child. Of COURSE that’s hard.
And Lord help us when they call us in because our kid is “acting out”—say, shutting down in class or even having a meltdown.
In kindergarten, my younger kid used to hide under the desk. The teacher called me in for a meeting. I couldn’t help saying, “Did you ever ask him WHY he’s hiding under his desk?”
And in my head I was thinking, “YOU. IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU.” What do kids do when they’re scared? They hide. Ugh. That was the year my kids both started seeing a counselor. My younger kid said, “I want to make her (his teacher) happy, but I don’t know how.”
My heart BROKE.
I digress. IEP meetings. They’re tough. They’re supposed to be a collaborative effort between schools and parents of disabled kids to help create a learning experience that supports and challenges the kid.
But too often, that’s not how it goes. I literally can’t remember an IEP meeting that I did NOT weep through, until we started homeschooling. And I’m a lawyer, law professor, and researcher in disability and neurodiversity! If it’s hard for me, how does it go for everyone else?
Wait, did I say “Homeschooling and IEPs”?
Yes! It is your federal right to an IEP even if your kid is not enrolled in public school. There are lots of reasons why non-public-school-attending kids would need an IEP. If you need standardized testing accommodations, for example (think, SATs and ACTs). If your state provides services for disabled kids, they often require IEPs. (North Carolina, where I live, does.) If your kid is heading off to college, the IEP is evidence that services should be continued into the college environment.
And so on.
But the thing is, IEP meetings are hard for most parents. They just are. You feel alone. You feel attacked. (Sometimes, you are attacked.) You feel confused by the process. You feel ignored because, There-there, we know best—even though you know your kid better than anyone. Collaboration goes out the window.
I want to be clear about something. As I write in YOUR KID BELONGS HERE, in a world where things were fair and just and equitable, schools would have enough resources to support disabled/neurodivergent kids, and parents wouldn’t be pitted against schools to fight over scraps. There is constant, deliberate underfunding of schools, teacher salaries, teacher aides, and EC (exceptional children/special education) programs.
We have to ask ourselves: who benefits if schools and parents are slugging it out in the gladiator pit? Who is watching from the coliseum seats, wrapped in their wealth?
Until we fix this injustice, IEP meetings are going to be contentious. Schools protect themselves, and parents protect their children. It is hard to get over that hump, even though a collaborative approach is what’s best for the child.
Announcement: Free Zoom Masterclass on IEP Meetings
If any of this resonated with you, I am offering a FREE Zoom Masterclass on IEP Meetings for traditional schoolers and homeschoolers alike, in 1 week.
Here are the details:
- What: Zoom Masterclass, How to Navigate IEP Meetings with Confidence. With live Q&A.
- When: Monday, Feb. 9, 2026, at 1pm ET (10am CT)
- Cost: Free!
- Replay provided? Yes, to all registered participants
- Why are you doing this? Because you don’t have to go through what I did. IEP meetings don’t have to be so hard. Let me make them easier for you.
Please forward this invitation to anyone you think might be interested. You can also share the link: iepmasterclass.katiepryal.com.
The event is one week away, friends, so register now.
Love to you,
Katie
