:: For many neurodivergent people, success can feel utterly terrifying.

Dear Friends,

Sometimes it is difficult to face success because we think we’re not worth it. We devalue ourselves, and run ourselves down. (Don’t do that.)

It’s pretty easy to imagine how the fear of failure holds so many people back. But for neurodivergent people, sometimes we fear the opposite. What if things go too well?

It can be difficult to face success because with more success comes more eyes on us. It brings attention, and attention brings pressure—along with the risk of burnout, meltdowns, and more.

The added pressure success brings means we are more at risk of disappointing people: our colleagues, our families, everyone that we can imagine—and we can imagine a lot.

This pressure feels like an escalation. We have more decisions to make, more shots to call, and overall more chances to get things wrong.

Increased visibility can also feel like unwanted exposure, and that feels unsafe. Believe me, I know.

I’ve only been in the real spotlight once. One time, I was invited to be on television to comment on a big issue that was brought to light by my own journalism.

And guess what: I was a total, massive failure in that TV interview. As soon as the host asked the first question, my mind went blank, and I couldn’t think of anything to say.

I’d had no media preparation, so I didn’t know what would happen when I called into the show on video.

Did you know your screen often goes blank and you can’t see the interviewer? I didn’t. And I froze.

The fear of success can cause similar problems to the fear of failure: We delay submitting our work. We minimize our voices. We self-sabotage in a variety of ways.

But this fear has to do with feeling overwhelmed, rather than insecurity about ourselves and our work. Because the fear is different, how we deal with it must also be different.

What happens if something we create becomes hugely successful, and we arethrust into a sensory overload of spotlight?

The successes that I have had in the past have taught me how I react. When something I write is successful, I lose myself. I’m a writer, so I end up changing my work to fit the mold that brought me past success.

I’m trying to meet the expectations of an audience at the expense of my own well-being.

Breaking free of that pattern is really hard; it means walking away from a formula that seems to be working. But if you don’t walk away, negative consequences follow.

A big success can lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout. You’ve fought so hard to create something immense, and then you crash.

If you’ve ever been afraid to succeed, I can assure you that you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or have no drive. You must have drive, or you wouldn’t be thinking these thoughts in the first place.

You have passion and drive, and you’re putting it to good use. Your brain is just protecting you. However, self-protection doesn’t always allow for growth.

If you’ve ever felt fear of success, here is some advice that might help you figure out a way through the fear:

1. Name the fear: What is it you’re scared of exactly? Is it a matter of too much visibility and being seen? Of the criticism that might follow?

2. Keep your voice: Stay grounded in yourself, not in how you may be perceived. You don’t need to change for anyone.

3. Find the support you need: Introduce your fears to a strong support system that can talk them through with you.

This piece was adapted from a post on my website, katiepryal.com/blog.